Saturday, March 29, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
more and more i need You now/ i owe You more each passing hour
this year, easter comes at a strange time for my family and me.
with my grandad in the hospital at the age of 89, in the state he's in, is difficult for us right now. mom and dad have spent days and nights there with him, and it's pretty taxing to say the least. i haven't been there; today i stayed home with eavan while mom and jes went. while the rest of the family was at the hospital, we prayed for his health, but mostly for his heart, for his soul. he remains an angry person, continuing to reject Christ, even mock any mention of Him, of the gospel. please pray for him...
so why did He pick me? i am completely wretched; i want to do what i want to do, all the time. i am given the opportunity to choose His way, but more often i choose my own. and of course, i always seem to think i know better than anyone else, even better than the One who knows me better than i know myself.
so why would He condescend to pull me out of my own sin and bless me with truth? as a result, i have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. not only that, but He took on all the shame that i deserve. wow.
hey, He is risen. that joy overflows within me, and it is my responsibility to live accordingly!
*
romans 6:
8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. 13 And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.
*
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
:jars of clay, worlds apart:
with my grandad in the hospital at the age of 89, in the state he's in, is difficult for us right now. mom and dad have spent days and nights there with him, and it's pretty taxing to say the least. i haven't been there; today i stayed home with eavan while mom and jes went. while the rest of the family was at the hospital, we prayed for his health, but mostly for his heart, for his soul. he remains an angry person, continuing to reject Christ, even mock any mention of Him, of the gospel. please pray for him...
so why did He pick me? i am completely wretched; i want to do what i want to do, all the time. i am given the opportunity to choose His way, but more often i choose my own. and of course, i always seem to think i know better than anyone else, even better than the One who knows me better than i know myself.
so why would He condescend to pull me out of my own sin and bless me with truth? as a result, i have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. not only that, but He took on all the shame that i deserve. wow.
hey, He is risen. that joy overflows within me, and it is my responsibility to live accordingly!
*
romans 6:
8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. 13 And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.
*
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
:jars of clay, worlds apart:
Friday, March 14, 2008
Recent things and things to come
I'm feeling so wonderful!
My prayer is that the one infusion of Remicade that I've gotten will jump start me on my path to getting well :) I think it's a good possibility. I've got a dr.'s appt. next week, and am still awaiting the results of my MRI.
As far as all other things are concerned, I'm on Spring Break this week. Being home is lovely. However, I also have this strong desire to travel. Anywhere! I'm looking forward to our Senior trip in May- a cruise to Mexico. And our family trip to Florida the very next week! I can't say how excited I am to go back to my hometown. To see family, to hang at the beach, to get a Slurpee at 7-11... those things are priority for this particular trip.
Junior/ Senior is coming up as well. Let me tell you, I am incredibly excited about this, especially to sit back and relax, not being involved in the planning or organization in any capacity! :)
I'm about to head out to take Eavan to see Horton Hears A Who. So off I run.
My prayer is that the one infusion of Remicade that I've gotten will jump start me on my path to getting well :) I think it's a good possibility. I've got a dr.'s appt. next week, and am still awaiting the results of my MRI.
As far as all other things are concerned, I'm on Spring Break this week. Being home is lovely. However, I also have this strong desire to travel. Anywhere! I'm looking forward to our Senior trip in May- a cruise to Mexico. And our family trip to Florida the very next week! I can't say how excited I am to go back to my hometown. To see family, to hang at the beach, to get a Slurpee at 7-11... those things are priority for this particular trip.
Junior/ Senior is coming up as well. Let me tell you, I am incredibly excited about this, especially to sit back and relax, not being involved in the planning or organization in any capacity! :)
I'm about to head out to take Eavan to see Horton Hears A Who. So off I run.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
remicade...
okay, so we did the remicade, and i was really excited about two weeks ago to start back with it again. i went into duke, was given large amounts of benadryl, prednisone, and tylenol to premedicate me before the infusion began so i wouldn't have a reaction like i have in the past, and fell right to sleep (thanks to the benadryl ha) as i got my infusion.
it takes a few hours, about four. so mom drove me home afterward, since i was still groggy :)
i went back to school two days later, since it was the weekend, and got caught up for the next weekend.
thursday rolled around, marking a week to the day of my remicade infusion, and i started breaking out in hives. i called my doctor since it was only getting worse, took some benadryl, and waited for a call back.
so i heard from audrey, my dr.'s nurse practitioner, who told me it was most likely related to the remicade (not what i wanted to hear...) i stayed on the benadryl for the next few days and started getting some really bad joint pain, especially in my jaw.
so dr. poleski called me a couple days ago and told me that there will be no more remicade for me, because if we were to do another infusion i could possibly even go into anaphylectic shock. (i'm sure i butchered the spelling there)
now the plan is to go back to humira, but to do the shots every week instead of bi-weekly, and to add methotrexate to the mix. so we'll see how that goes.
on a positive note, i'm feeling superb lately. which is kind of annoying because the reason for that is probably the remicade, which i can't have any more of. sigh.
but as i was complaining about this to my mom, she told me that maybe it isn't just the remicade, maybe the Lord is making me better and i shouldn't write Him off and automatically give the med the credit.
so i have an mri on tuesday to check on things. i think we'll see good results :)
right now i'm on spring break and it's incredible. i love just being home, and getting work done and errands done. there will be much of that.
it takes a few hours, about four. so mom drove me home afterward, since i was still groggy :)
i went back to school two days later, since it was the weekend, and got caught up for the next weekend.
thursday rolled around, marking a week to the day of my remicade infusion, and i started breaking out in hives. i called my doctor since it was only getting worse, took some benadryl, and waited for a call back.
so i heard from audrey, my dr.'s nurse practitioner, who told me it was most likely related to the remicade (not what i wanted to hear...) i stayed on the benadryl for the next few days and started getting some really bad joint pain, especially in my jaw.
so dr. poleski called me a couple days ago and told me that there will be no more remicade for me, because if we were to do another infusion i could possibly even go into anaphylectic shock. (i'm sure i butchered the spelling there)
now the plan is to go back to humira, but to do the shots every week instead of bi-weekly, and to add methotrexate to the mix. so we'll see how that goes.
on a positive note, i'm feeling superb lately. which is kind of annoying because the reason for that is probably the remicade, which i can't have any more of. sigh.
but as i was complaining about this to my mom, she told me that maybe it isn't just the remicade, maybe the Lord is making me better and i shouldn't write Him off and automatically give the med the credit.
so i have an mri on tuesday to check on things. i think we'll see good results :)
right now i'm on spring break and it's incredible. i love just being home, and getting work done and errands done. there will be much of that.
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