more and more i need You now/ i owe You more each passing hour

this year, easter comes at a strange time for my family and me.
with my grandad in the hospital at the age of 89, in the state he's in, is difficult for us right now. mom and dad have spent days and nights there with him, and it's pretty taxing to say the least. i haven't been there; today i stayed home with eavan while mom and jes went. while the rest of the family was at the hospital, we prayed for his health, but mostly for his heart, for his soul. he remains an angry person, continuing to reject Christ, even mock any mention of Him, of the gospel. please pray for him...

so why did He pick me? i am completely wretched; i want to do what i want to do, all the time. i am given the opportunity to choose His way, but more often i choose my own. and of course, i always seem to think i know better than anyone else, even better than the One who knows me better than i know myself.
so why would He condescend to pull me out of my own sin and bless me with truth? as a result, i have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. not only that, but He took on all the shame that i deserve. wow.

hey, He is risen. that joy overflows within me, and it is my responsibility to live accordingly!
*

romans 6:
8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. 13 And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.
*

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart


I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

:jars of clay, worlds apart: